


what i've been looking for - sharpay/gabriella

by pixelatedeyes



Category: High School Musical, High School Musical (Movies), High School Musical RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cheating, Child Abuse, Coming Out, Drinking, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Gay, High School, High School Musical References, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Party, Sad with a Happy Ending, Screw Canon Bitches, Shabriella, Stargazing, gabpay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24322306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixelatedeyes/pseuds/pixelatedeyes
Summary: Sharpay Evans finds herself strangely captivated by the new girl at East High, and knows if she doesn't do something about her feelings, she will be in deep trouble.
Relationships: Chad Danforth/Ryan Evans, Sharpay Evans/Gabriella Montez
Comments: 19
Kudos: 60





	1. whole new person

"Ryan?" Her brother looked up from typing on his phone, smirked slightly, then looked up.

"Yeah, sis?" Sharpay fixed her pink jacket, ran her fingers through her hair and looked over at Ryan, who was still texting.

"RYAN! Put your phone down for a second, I'm talking to you." Ryan rolled his eyes and put his phone down. "Who are you texting anyway?"

He glared at her. "First of all, it's none of your business. Second, it's Chad, for your information. I'm not going to steal Troy from you, don't worry."

"Ryan, you are so gay. Don't think I didn't see the way you were eyeing up Chad in the hallways. But he's straight. You're wasting your time." Ryan theatrically took off his cap, and pressed it to his heart.

"Who shall fix my broken heart?" Then he laughed. "Anyway, what was it you wanted to say?"

Sharpay sighed. "I was going to say, that have you heard there's a new girl at our school?"

"Yeah, I heard. She seems cool enough. Troy was showing her around." Ryan said, casually.

"TROY?" Ryan looked over at her in disbelief.

"Shar, he was just showing a new classmate around! It doesn't mean anything! Stop trying to control his life!"

But Sharpay was panicking. "What does she look like?"

"You'll see her today! Come on, let's get to class, or Darbis will have our heads. Ooh, we're going to sign up for that musical, right?"

"Ryan, when have we not signed up for the school musical? God, stop skipping!" Ryan stopped skipping alongside her and slowed to a speed-walk. 

"Sis, calm down! It's all going to be okay. Anyway, I'll see you at lunch!" His sister roughly grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. 

"Lunch? What about break?" She unsuccessfully tried to hide the whine in her voice. 

"I've got lots of homework on. I'm... really sorry." He looked down at his nails. 

Sharpay ran a hand through her hair, huffing loudly. "Oh, it's okay! Leave me to hang out with the losers! You want me to hang out with Zeke? HUH?" 

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "You do know Zeke is gay, right?"

Realization dawned on her face. "Oh, my God. That's why he was round our house last year?"

Ryan sighed and shook his head. "Sis..." 

"You know what? Forget it. Have fun with... homework, and we'll talk about this later." She turned from her brother, who sat in his seat and faced the front, where Darbis was already droning on about something or other. She didn't care. 

Now, where was... OOH! "Troy!" She whisper shouted across the classroom. He hadn't heard, apparently. "TROY!" He turned, and gave her a small smile. 

That's when she saw her. Dark hair pulled into a twist, large, laughing eyes, and small but prominent dimples in each of her cheeks. Troy was staring at her, a strange look overcome his face. Suddenly, the new girl turned to face her and Sharpay jumped, playing with the pink bracelets around her wrist. The girl smiled nervously at her, so Sharpay gave her a large smile that told her "you don't want to be messing with me." It had taken her years to perfect that look, and she was pleased to say that it had turned the majority of the student body against her. The girl shrugged and turned away. Tick. 

Ryan waved at his sister from across the room, and although she glared at him, the anger she had felt before was fading. As she had said hello to the few students she was friends with, there were only a few moments left until class started. So, as she played with her nails, and Darbis started talking about who-knows-what, she focused all the energy she had saved for class on not glancing behind her. 

***

The bell rang, jolting Sharpay from out of her seat. Grabbing her bag, she ran out the door, trying to catch up with Ryan. 

"Ryan! Ryan, wait. Let's quickly sign up for the musical, before we forget. Then you can go do homework in peace." He slowed down, and gestured at her to hold his hat as he fixed his hair. 

"Fine. Let's... Oh, oh. Look. It's the new girl you were freaking out about. Gabriella." It was the girl from earlier, the one with the dark hair and the guarded expression. She was wearing a pink cardigan, which, to her dismay, matched her own. Oh, shit. 

"Look, let's just wait until they've finished... whatever the hell they're doing." Gabriella was staring at the audition list with a small smile on her face... like... like there was some whole other person inside her. She was chatting to Troy, who was gesturing wildly, clearly still with his head in the game, even when it came to ordinary speech. 

"I don't care. I'm going to go introduce myself. We need new members for the drama club." Sharpay jumped, and grabbed her brother by the arm. 

"No! No, Ry, I AM, I mean, WE are the drama club. We don't need new members." He glared at her. 

"Well, I'm going to be nice, whether you like it or not. You stand here and sulk." Panic began to rise in her. Why was she like this? Oh, my God. 

Ryan walked away, sauntering slightly.

She stood aside, looking through her texts, even though she knew no one ever texted her. She clicked the button for New Message, and began to type, to fill up time. 

"i'm a control freak. it's true. i control everything and everyone because if everyone is not in the right place at all times, people will figure out that i'm not. anyway, i don't know if this makes sense, but there's something freaky about the new girl. i've never seen Troy act this way before. who am I kidding? this isn't about Troy. i've never seen myself act this way before. and, truth is, i'm scared. scared of what this could mean for me, or for her."

Quickly, she saved the message as a draft. She peeked out from around the corner. Ryan was loudly laughing with his hand of his stomach, and Gabriella was giggling, the soft skin around her eyes crinkling.

Ryan walked back to her. "See? Just being friendly!" 

"Ryan, friendly is not in my dictionary! What did she even say?" She kept her face blank, scared to betray any curiosity she felt. 

"Well, she said she just wanted to get to know the school, and she was glad FRIENDLY people like Troy existed, at which point she lightly punched his shoulder." He looked pointedly at his twin as he said the word "friendly". "Anyway, I asked her if she knew you-"

"You did WHAT?" 

"Yeah, and she said you seemed really nice, and that she wouldn't mind joining the drama club if you helped her out."

"Holy shit, Ryan, I love you, but that was a really, really stupid thing to do. Do you know what this means?"

"No, sis. I don't know what this means: please enlighten me. What downside is there to being nice to a new student?"

"She's... she's... I mean, have you SEEN her?"

"Yes, she's a girl in a daunting new school, nervous and just needs someone to help her come out of her cocoon."

"I am not that someone!"

"You are now. You can't refuse. Go talk to her! Get to know her! Help her with her homework! Not that she'll need any help - I heard she's a math whiz. Anyway, speaking of homework, I've gotta go. See you at lunch!"

"Bye, Ryan. Don't let the door hit you on the way out!" 

She collapsed on a bench, her head in her hands. This was bad. She had to do something, anything. 

Because if Gabriella wasn't aware of what she was doing to her, then Sharpay knew she was in big trouble.


	2. characters

Sharpay sat alone, picking at her food. Ryan was off doing homework, and when he wasn't doing homework, he was steadily getting more and more absorbed in the flurry of incoming text messages from Chad. Sharpay feared for her brother, because she knew it wasn't the first time he would have his heart broken by a straight guy. There was Zeke, who was still apparently closeted, so Sharpay was his cover. She wasn't happy about this, exactly, but she was merely protecting her brother. Zeke and Ryan hadn't worked out, but that was no reason to hold grudges.

Picking at her already chapped nails, she sat there, staring into space, absent-mindedly humming a tune to herself. In the corner of her eye, she noticed a girl with a mass of dark hair sitting down next her. She didn't turn, but she could tell she was wearing a blue cardigan.

"Hey," the girl smiled, standing next to her with her tray.

"Hey, Gabriella," Sharpay snarled, aggressively gesturing at the girl to sit down. "Have you made up your mind about joining the drama club yet?"

Gabriella thoughtfully bit her nails, or lack thereof. "No, I'm really not very good. Besides, singing isn't really my area of expertise." She didn't elaborate, and the silence was comforting to Sharpay.

The awkwardness continued. "Uh... Ryan told me you could help me with drama stuff? I'm really interested in it, and I'd love to help out if you were teaching me," The girl said, hopefully looking at Sharpay. She noted, with dismay, that her eyes looked like pools of honey when they were in the sunlight that streamed through the windows of their cavernous cafeteria. Quickly, she averted her gaze.

"Look, I get that you're new or whatever, but this is MY drama club, and I can't just tutor you! Besides, what would you pay me?" Sharpay said, incredulously.

"I get that. But, if I'm honest, I don't know anyone at this school, and this would be a good way to get to know everyone. Look, we can figure out payment later. It'll be fun!"

"I'm not sure your idea of fun mirrors my own," Sharpay said doubtfully. Gabriella just looked at her. "You know, I can't believe I'm about to say this, but... fine. I'll tutor you." 

Sharpay got up to leave, taking her tray from the table. Suddenly, Gabriella grabbed her arm. Sharpay just stared at her hand, holding onto the orange fabric of her jacket, like it was radioactive. She quickly let go. "Sharpay... thank you."

"No worries," Sharpay gave her a wide smile that was half-smile, half-sneer. A smeer? 

"What's your number? We can fix a date for when you can come around my house. Or yours, if you'd prefer? Here, just type it in," Gabriella handed Sharpay her large flip-phone. 

"Wow, this is a dinosaur! I could kill someone with this thing. Not that I'd, uh, want to," Sharpay said. 

That's when she heard it. A laugh. A real, genuine laugh, coming out of Gabriella's mouth. Sharpay almost smiled, then stopped herself at the last second. God, it sounded like a choir of angels. Like music to her judging ears. 

She pressed the button for her contacts, and noticed that she had Troy added. "So, you know Troy Bolton?" 

"Oh, not really. He was just showing me around." She smiled. 

"Right," Sharpay sneered, and entered her number, stabbing at the keys with her manicured nails. "Text me tonight and we'll fix a day."

"Sure," Gabriella smiled, placing her hand on her shoulder. Sharpay stared at it, in shock. She dropped her hand. "See you around, Shar."

*** 

"Gabriella Montez," Sharpay said, holding her hand up to the ceiling of her room. "Hmm. Gabriella Montez." 

Ryan looked over at her. "Sis, that's about the sixth time you've said her name in the last minute. I'm starting to get a little freaked out." 

Sharpay smirked. "Actually, I was just wondering how we could ruin her life. Any ideas?" 

"Ruining lives isn't my area of expertise, Shar. You know that." They were sitting in Ryan's bedroom, sticking pictures of last year's musical down into a large collage, Darbis' request. Sharpay kept getting glue all over her hands, contemplated whether to wash it off, then decided to just let it dry on her hands so she could peel it off later. It was the Evans twins' guilty pleasure in life.

"Isn't she coming over tonight? How did that work out?" Ryan began to peel the glue off his hand, like a snake shedding its skin. 

"Well, thanks to SOMEBODY deciding to get mixed up in my personal business, like a little gay wingman. It's not your business to make her friends! That's not how life works!" Ryan glared at her, then broke out into a smile. 

"Shar, you know me! I'm the best wingman there is! You know who I'm going to match next?" He gestured at Sharpay to move closer and whispered in her ear, "Troy and Kelsi." 

"Troy and Kelsi?" It did sound good. "Isn't Troy hopelessly in love with Gabriella?" 

Ryan smiled conspiratorially. "Troy isn't in love with Gabriella." The emphasis on the word Troy did not escape Sharpay. 

"Well, who is?" Sharpay glared impatiently at Ryan. 

"Oh, I think you'll find out soon enough." With a wink and a flourish, Ryan left the room. 

"RYAN! GET YOUR DERRIERE BACK HERE!" Silence. She sighed, and got back to sticking. 

Half an hour and four photos stuck in fancy patterns later, the doorbell rang. 

"SHAR, CAN YOU GET THAT?" Ryan yelled across the hall. Groaning, she got up and ran downstairs. The doorbell was still ringing. 

"COMING!" She flung the door open. Gabriella was standing there, wearing a short, white, summery dress. 

"Come in, I guess," Sharpay muttered, closing the door behind her. "I guess we'll do it in my room." There was a short silence. "Tutoring, I mean. I didn't mean... you know what, forget it. I'm just making it even more awkward here. Great idea of my brother's." 

Gabriella giggled softly, making her way up the stairs, glancing at the baby photos on the walls. Sharpay could see that there was a small smile appearing in the corner of her mouth, her cheeks dimpling softly. But just as quickly as it appeared, the smile was gone. 

She turned the handle of her room, and heard Gabriella audibly gasp as she lead her in. "Oh! Everything's so... pink!" 

Sharpay resisted the temptation to say "great observation, Sherlock," and sat down on her bed. Gabriella awkwardly sat down next to her. 

"Look, I'm not a drama teacher, I can't promise I'll be any good, but I'll try to be as best as I can," Sharpay muttered, staring at her cuticles. 

Gabriella smiled. "Sure," She said, after a beat. 

"So, I guess the six elements of drama are characters, plot, dialog, music, stagecraft, and direction. These are essential to any piece of entertainment," Sharpay became authoritative, in her comfort zone once more. "Look, you might want to write this down." Gabriella obediently got out a pen and notebook from her handbag and started scribbling. 

"Okay, first of all. Characters. A good play has to have good characters. It makes sense, right? Who is the hero of your story? So, here's an exercise that I learnt from Darbis. If your life was a play, what would be the aspects of your character? What story are you telling? Why are you telling it? What is your purpose?" 

Gabriella sat there in silence for a few moments, until she realized Sharpay wanted an answer. 

"Uh, I don't know," She said, after thinking about it. 

"God, Gabriella. You must know! Okay, let's leave drama for a second. If we're going to do this, I need to know who you are. What's your deal. Okay?" 

"Okay, fine. My name's Gabriella. I'm sixteen years old. I like learning new things, nice people, good food, and singing," She said.

"No, no. Who are you? What do you want from life?" 

"That's a little deep, isn't it?" Gabriella asked, sceptically. 

"Who cares if it's deep? Haven't you ever wondered who you really are?"

"Why are you asking me this? Is your mind really such an intense place?" 

"Oh, this has nothing to do with me," Sharpay growled. 

"Yeah? Nothing to do with you? From what I've heard, everything is to do with you. But when it's not convenient, like now, it's nothing to do with you," Gabriella said, calmly. 

"Could you please stop psychoanalyzing me? It's making me super uncomfortable." 

Gabriella just stared at her. 

"You don't even know me. Why did you ask me to tutor you? Is this really because of drama?" Sharpay asked, an edge to her voice. 

"I don't know why. Okay? It's just you always seem so distant, and I saw a bit of myself in you. No biggie."

"You don't even know me. You don't get to tell me who I am, or who I'm not." 

"There always seems to be a whole other person inside you. Why don't you let her out?" 

"No," Sharpay said, final. 

"Why not?" 

"You have got to be kidding me. What are we, nine? Sleepover buddies, telling each other secrets? This isn't the way it works, Gabriella." Sharpay stared at her nails. 

"Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. But, I just think we could learn a lot from each other." 

"You mean, drama?" 

"You know I don't mean drama." A moment passed between them. Then Gabriella stood up. "This wasn't how I thought this evening was going to go." 

"Tell me about it." Sharpay sighed. "You should wear your hair in a plait more often. I think it would suit you," She suddenly said, out of the blue. 

A smirk appeared on Gabriella's face. "I'll bear that in mind." They stood in silence. "How much do I owe you?" 

"Don't pay me anything. Just... keep quiet about what you heard today." 

"I didn't hear much today. And that's what worries me." 

Sharpay stood up. She fought the urge to shake her hand. "Do you want to audition with me for the musical?" 

Gabriella gave her a small smile. "I'll think about it." She took her jacket. "I want to know who you really are, Sharpay. The real Sharpay." 

She smirked. "If you find her, let me know." 

***

Hours after Gabriella had left, Sharpay was still thinking about what she had said.


	3. russian dolls

"Chad, can I ask you something?" Ryan said, reaching out to hold his hand. 

"You just did, honey," Chad smirked, sitting up on the bed to get a good look at Ryan, who was lying next to him. 

"I won't ask you if you're going to call me honey," Ryan replied, dryly. 

"Okay, honey." Chad kissed Ryan's forehead and grabbed his hand in his grasp. "Seriously, though. You can't not ask me now!" 

"Okay, okay." They sat in silence for a few moments, Ryan stealing glances at his more-than-friend, but not-quite-boyfriend, Chad. 

"Ryan!" 

"Well, are we dating?" Ryan tried to smile to lighten the question, but looked down at their conjoined hands instead, unable to meet his eyes. God, how he wanted to. He wanted to look at them all day. 

Chad immediately darkened. He quickly ran his hand through his mess of dark, unruly hair and discreetly let go of Ryan's hand. 

"Ryan, you know how it is. Nobody knows... about me." 

Ryan was sympathetic. But in truth, he never had known what it was like to hide away. He had always been a flamboyant baby, growing into a theatrical child, growing into the very gay young man that he now was. Though, darkening slightly, he couldn't shake the feeling that he was somewhat a disappointment to his mum. His mum had always favored Troy, whom he had brought home in elementary, and soon became one of his closest friends. Mum loved him, and Ryan realized, it was because he was like the son he never had. 

Ryan softly kissed Chad and turned his head so that their foreheads were touching. He stared into the pool of depth that was Chad's eyes. "Hey, I get it. I'm in no rush. I'm just glad I have you, and you have me. One step at a time." 

Chad's sad eyes widened. "Is this how it's always going to be? Running away from myself to a place where I feel safe?" 

"There are worse places to be, babe. We've got each other. That's all I need," There was a muffled noise next to Ryan, and he looked over at Chad, whose tears were streaming down his cheeks. "Oh, honey, go to sleep. Shhh. I love you. Go to sleep." 

Ryan was still kissing at the salty tears pooling in Chad's eyes even as he slowly made his way to sleep. 

*** 

"Shit, Chad, get up. Get up get up get up. My sister's coming home from drama club any moment now. Shit shit shit shit shit shit," Ryan shouted, quickly making the bed. 

They made it with seconds to spare, Chad driving off in his beaten up car as soon as Sharpay rounded the corner in her pink "fabulous" vehicle, coming home from a day of studying with Gabriella. Ryan breathed a long sigh of relief, and began scrolling through his phone. He already had a new message from Chad. Smiling to himself, he opened it. 

"hey, really enjoyed today. i'm sorry about me. give me time. i'll make it up to you." Ryan gave a small smile to himself and put his phone down on his bedside table just as Sharpay came into his room. 

"Hey, Ryan," She smiled tiredly and sat down at his desk, spinning around in his office chair. It was their favorite thing to do as kids, just spin and spin until the air left their lungs and they were so dizzy they couldn't see anything except life whizzing past them. She smiled at the memory, and Ryan must've known what she was thinking, because he smiled back. 

"Hi, Shar. Good day?" He sat down next to her on another office chair and they spun together, holding their heads back and smiling as the summer air whipped their hair back. 

"Alright. I'm still bitter about Gabriella, but she's alright. Good call, bro." Smiling at her brother, she patted hisshoulder. 

He tipped his cap at her. "My pleasure. So, how did today go? Is she good at singing?" 

"She's such a good singer! She may even be better than..." She choked slightly and her brother smacked her on the back. "I was going to say, 'better than me', but I must have some kind of mental block against saying that kind of thing," She laughed. "How was your day?"

"Alright." 

"By 'alright', you mean, 'Chad came over and we had a great time making out, right?" She winked at him. "Oh, don't act so surprised. It's very obvious, since he seems to have left something behind. Hmm, I wonder what this is?" She pulled out a basketball from underneath the table. 

"Holy shit, sis." 

"Don't look so worried! I'm not going to do anything. I just want to know if you had fun. Is he a good person? Respects you? Listens to you as much as you listen to him?" Ryan held up his hand to stop her talking and smiled at his sister. 

"You're so overprotective. I know how to handle myself and my relationships. I'll be fine!" 

"Okay, but don't blame me if you come out of this one with a broken heart. I mean, I'll be there to put it back together again, but I'll be there with the 'I-told-you-so's." She patted him on the shoulder and gave him a concerned look. "You're over... Troy, right?"

"Oh, what? Troy? This isn't about Troy. This is different. This is... love."

Her eyes grew more concerned. "That's not a word you should throw around so easily, Ryan."

"I know, I know. But it feels different. Just... please don't get involved. He hasn't come out of the closet yet, and I don't want to rush him." Sharpay could see the pain in his eyes, but she didn't know what to do about it. Sure, it hurt, but she couldn't help. 

"Doesn't it hurt?" 

She could see by the look on Ryan's face that he knew exactly what she was talking about. "Does what hurt?" 

"You know what I'm talking about. Being someone's secret to keep." 

Something registered in his eyes. "Yes. It hurts. But it's meant to hurt. Love hurts, you know?" 

She looked at him, her eyes saddened by grief. "Yes," she said, quietly. "I know."

He smiled, understanding. "You haven't told anyone about your meetings with Gabriella yet, have you?" 

She sighed. "It's complicated." 

What she didn't tell her brother was how hard it was, when they met, to pretend to not feel the way her hand brushed up against her's as they compared notes. The way her eyes closed as she sang and Sharpay tried to look like she wasn't as impressed as she felt. The way she threw her head back as she laughed so she could see the mole on the underside of her chin. 

"Ryan... how did you figure out you were gay?" 

"Well, I'm glad you asked. When I thought about my crushes, I thought about how cute and great guys are, and how un-interested I was in the opposite sex. It's as simple as that!"

"Be serious, Ryan!" 

"I am serious. Well, sort of. If it seems right to you, go ahead. If you're questioning liking girls, then you probably like girls. Just know you are the person who gets to figure it out. Not anyone else. Not me, not anyone. Not mum or dad." 

"Who said anything about me liking girls? I was just asking a question," Sharpay said, indignantly. 

"Sure thing, Shar." He winked at her. 

"I'm serious. I'm as straight as... a really straight thing." 

"Sometimes, sis, you are the last person to know about anything. Even if it's about yourself. Do I really need to hold your hand through everything? Even your own self discovery? Come on! It's good to let go." 

"You're sounding like Gabriella. There is not a whole other person inside me. That's ridiculous. I'm not one of those Russian dolls." She said, indignantly spinning faster. 

"But you'd never know unless you pop off the lid, right? Pop off the lid, Shar! Pop off the lid, and you'll find how good it'll feel to be yourself." He was spinning too, faster, and they were looking at each other as if they were seeing each other for the first time. 

"Gabriella's straight. She could never like someone like me! That's ridiculous!" 

"You know who else I thought was straight? Chad. Then I popped the lid off my Russian doll, and I found a whole new person. A person who was willing to take a risk for love. And that's what you've got to do. You've got to take risks! Put your heart on the line, because unless you don't feel risks pressing on you in every direction, are you really living? Are you really breathing? Are you loving?" 

Sharpay was spinning so fast it felt like it was the world that was spinning, and she was the one welded in place. And she loved it. For the first time, she felt she knew who she was. 

She fell of her chair and landed in a sweaty heap on the floor of her brother's bedroom and laughed, laughed and laughed. 

Ryan smiled at her. "See? It's not that hard, is it?" 

"No, it's not. This time, I'm going to figure this one out all by myself."


	4. music

Sharpay took some sheet music out of her bag, looked through it for a few seconds, smiled at the corner of her mouth and handed it to Gabriella, who was watching her from her bed. 

"This is Kelsi's new song. Quite good, don't you think?" Sharpay said as Gabriella read through it. 

"Wow. I mean, obviously I don't know how the tune goes because I can't read sheet music yet, but the lyrics are amazing," Gabriella said. 

Sharpay stared at her in surprise. "No way! You can't read sheet music?" Gabriella looked up from where she had been studying the notes. 

"Never learned. Been told it wasn't a necessity." 

"Okay, well, that settles it! I may not be qualified at teaching singing, but I can teach you this song! Come on!" She gestured at Gabriella to come join her as she sat down at the piano stall in her room. 

They had been meeting here at least three times a week, sometimes singing, sometimes methodically going through lines, and sometimes just talking about anything under the sun. Gabriella discovered that Sharpay had a wicked sense of humor, and Sharpay had found out that Gabriella was one of the sweetest people she had ever met - not that she didn't know that already. 

Although they had swiftly become something approaching friends, Sharpay still made it a point to avoid Gabriella at school, often leaving her to hang out with Troy. Ryan had reported that Troy was spending more time with Kelsi recently, so Gabriella was often left on her own, or chatting with Taylor. Sharpay was wary of Taylor - she had been one of the first students at the school to come out of the closet, apart from her brother, of course - and, she admitted, she was a little jealous of her getting to spend so much time with Gabriella. 

Still, she knew that if she allowed herself to get close to Gabriella, she would never forgive herself. But there was something about her that made her think that she was worth it, worth the pain, worth the secrets that they both kept from their friends. And it hurt, sure, but to quote her brother, love hurts. 

Shit, had she just used the word love? She thought to herself. She was getting way too far ahead of herself. But, as she now realized, she had the taken the first step. The rest, underneath her, was falling, falling, and then, the bone-shattering landing. Because that's what love is, right? It's great at first, but then you break up. Everyone breaks up eventually, because everything on this Earth is built to fall apart. This piano, she was sitting with Gabriella at, will fall apart. Whether tomorrow or in a million years, it will fall apart. Sharpay will fall apart, after her death. And very soon, love will die, too. And, it's not worth it. Love is not worth it to feel if it's just going to be snatched away from you, one way or another. Whether tomorrow or in a million years. 

Gently, she pushed all thoughts of affection out of her head. Then, her shaking fingers touching the keys of the piano, she began to play. A simple melody began to fill the room, and longing began to seep through Sharpay's fingers. It hurt, she realized. It hurt, having to hide. 

She began to sing. "It's hard to believe that I couldn't see, that you were always right beside me," She sang, then looked over at Gabriella. "You can join in on the second verse." 

She nodded as Sharpay sang. "You have a beautiful voice," she told her. 

"Thanks," Sharpay mouthed, embarrassed for perhaps the first time in her life. 

She finished the first verse, and Sharpay started all over at the beginning. This time, Gabriella joined in. 

"Thought I was alone, with no one to hold, but you were always right beside me," they sang together, and Sharpay was once again struck by the sheer beauty of Gabriella's voice, and as they sang Kelsi's latest song, Sharpay kept stealing glances at her, but then she closed her eyes and was lost in the moment once more. Kelsi was an amazing songwriter. 

Once the song finished, they sat in silence for a few moments, just looking at each other and smiling. 

"Ooh, speaking of Kelsi, are you going to her party this Saturday? It should be fun," Sharpay suddenly said. 

"Oh, I don't know. I don't know if I was invited. Let me check my messages." She opened her DMs. "Besides, why did Kelsi invite you? I thought you two hated each other." 

Sharpay glared at her. "What made you think that?" 

"Well, you're always so rude to her. I feel so bad for her," Gabriella shrugged. "Also, she seems kind of scared of you! I mean, I know you, and you're the least scariest person I've ever met, but I can see why someone else might think you intimidating." 

Sharpay looked at her nails again, which were painted pink and chapped. "Kelsi and I have a history. She must've invited me to her party because-" She glared at Gabriella again. "She's scared of me."

"What happened between you and Kelsi? Besides, who knew people could invite others out of fear? Sorry, I'm not buying it."

"If you must know, she asked me out. About a year ago. I didn't know what to say. We're still friends, it's just awkward." Sharpay said, looking up, trying to meet Gabriella's eyes. 

She stared back. "Oh. I'm sorry." 

"Don't be. I guess, I don't know. It's not a reason for things to be awkward, I guess. And I did really like her. But I didn't want to be someone's secret to keep. And I figured, if I was truly in love, shouldn't I be able to overlook that? Besides, I was confused, too. I didn't know whether I liked girls or not." She sighed. "Even now, my sexuality is a muddy puddle that just won't clear, no matter which way I turn." 

"Mine too. That's a great metaphor, by the way." She smiled at Sharpay, and for once, Sharpay allowed herself to smile back. 

"It's my job. That, and being a failure." 

"You don't need me to tell you that you're not a failure!" 

"Oh, come on. I can't even decide what I like anymore." They were inching closer to a dangerous subject, and Sharpay didn't want to talk about it. Still, she was curious. "So, who does Your Majesty like? Guys, gals, or non-binary pals?"

"Uh, girls, I guess? You're the first person I've told about this. Please don't tell anyone else. I'm literally begging you." 

Sharpay smiled. "I am sister to the gayest person in this universe. I am also pretty damn gay. Your secret is safe with me."

"Thank you. You're a good friend, Sharpay." 

Sharpay couldn't disguise her surprise. "We're friends?" 

"God, Shar. We're not friends?" 

"I guess we're friends." Gabriella smiled at her. 

"Good. I'm glad. Well, I told my mum I'd be back by six. See you at Kelsi's party?" She showed her her invitation. 

"Ooh, popular. See you there. Things will be a lot more fun with you there." 

"I doubt it. I'm not exactly the life of the party." She laughed, and made a drinking motion with her hand. "Just don't get me drunk, you don't want to see that." 

"I'll take your word for it." Suddenly, Sharpay grabbed Gabriella hand. "Thank you." 

"For what?" Gabriella asked, confused. 

"Just... thank you." 

***

That night, Sharpay knocked on her brother's door, wearing a pink bath towel around her head. 

"Brother," she said. "I think I may be in love."


	5. bulldozer of pain

Gabriella played with the straps on her bag and she watched the clock with increasing interest. Tomorrow was the day of Kelsi's party, to be honest, she was eager to get going. She had spoken to Sharpay about it, and had discovered that Kelsi, Troy, Chad, Ryan, Martha, Taylor and Sharpay were all going, so she was happy that she would at least know a few people. Mostly, she was just looking forward to spending the whole evening with Sharpay. 

Sharpay looked behind her, and made eye contact with Gabriella for two seconds, smiled slightly, then turned to the front. This was how they communicated at school. Gabriella didn't know much, but she did know that their meetings had to remain secret, and it was for the best. 

If she was merely an observer, she would've thought that Sharpay hated her. Then again, maybe it was just the vibes she gave off, but she was surprisingly good at sneering, making the person she was talking to feel completely worthless. She had seen her do it multiple times, often being in the line of fire herself. She didn't mind. She understood that Sharpay was merely scared, scared of what others would think. Maybe, she thought, scared of herself.

As Darbis kept talking, Gabriella found herself thinking about their encounters. Sometimes after school, sometimes in school, hiding in the bathrooms, practicing for the musical. As soon as they heard someone coming in, they hid, sometimes together, in a stall. Waiting until the person left, they giggled at each other, gently shushing the other until the person left and they could continue singing. Gabriella enjoyed it, and wished it could last. 

Somehow, she knew it couldn't last. Their lives were one big secret, and it was exhausting. After their talk about sexuality two days ago, she could feel Sharpay's apprehension around her. She knew that she had revealed something about herself that she didn't want to, and now she was worried Gabriella would say something. 

The clock finally ticked to half past three and Gabriella grabbed her bag from under her chair. She sensed, more than saw, Troy sneaking up behind her and placing his hands on her shoulders. 

"Heeey, Gabriella!" He drawled, bouncing his basketball on the way out the door. "You looking forward to Kelsi's party?" 

"Oh, definitely! It was so nice of her to invite me," she said, smiling sheepishly. 

"We're going to have so much fun! I also didn't think Kelsi would have any alcohol, so I, uh, decided to take care of that problem." This contribution came from Chad, sliding over the desks to catch up with them. "It's Chad to the rescue!" He grinned and slapped Troy on the back. 

"Chill, dude. I'm here to make sure you don't get that drunk. No making out with Gabriella, okay?" 

"Pffft, as if." He grinned and bounced his basketball, and then it rolled away. "Damn it! Gotta work on my dribbling in practice today. Troy, you coming?" he shouted as he ran off to fetch his ball. 

"Yeah, wait just a second." He paused, and Gabriella could see his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. "The thing is - Gabriella, I just wanted to tell you -"

"Gabriella! Can I talk to you?" Ryan interrupted, swooping in. Troy looked visibly annoyed, but he just waved to Gabriella and walked off. 

Why did everyone want to talk to her today? "Hey, Ryan! What's up?" 

"I just wanted to talk to you about Sharpay," he said, and began to walk a bit faster. 

"Oh, okay. What about her? Is she okay?" 

"Well, not really. Since you're one of her closest friends -" 

"Wait, I am?" Gabriella interrupted. 

"She doesn't have many friends," Ryan grinned. "Anyway, the thing is, she likes someone. A lot. And, I don't know, I was wondering if you could talk to her, help her to pick up the courage to ask this person out, maybe give her a few pointers? She won't take any advice from me, no matter how hard I ask," he said, his smile becoming wider. 

Gabriella was a little taken aback. "What makes you think I'm qualified to do this? I've only dated one person, and that didn't work out. What can I do?" She asked, confused. 

"Look, I don't know. She asked me to ask you for help. She's too awkward to ask you for help, and she wouldn't take advice from me, even though I have a lot of dating experience under my belt!" He pressed a hand to his chest, as if hurt, but then he laughed. "So, you're going to Kelsi's party? Should be fun, right?" 

"It should be fun." She tried to dredge up a smile from within, but she felt her strength crumbling, and she didn't know how long she could keep her face blank. Her heart squeezed, and she knew she had to get away as soon as possible. "I've got to go, Ry. See you around." She gave him a half-hearted smile and then dove into the bathroom, where finally, the tears came. 

***

"How did she react?" Sharpay curiously asked her brother. 

"She was devastated," he replied, flopping into a seated position on Sharpay's office chair. 

"Good," Sharpay said, as her eyes took on a glassy, disconnected expression. "Good."

***

The next day, Sharpay was ready for Kelsi's party. Ryan was ready too, but it wasn't like he had spent three hours getting ready in the bathroom while Sharpay shouted at him from outside with a bath towel on her head. 

The party began at six, so they both left the house in Sharpay's pink car, hoping to not look too eager by arriving late.

They arrived at about quarter past six, parking up the road from Kelsi's house. As they walked down the road, Ryan suddenly grabbed Sharpay. 

"Hey, cut it out! What's up?" she asked him. 

"Why the hell did you ask me to tell Gabriella that? That is not the way to get her to like you!"

Sharpay glared at him. "You don't understand, Ryan! I did it for our own good! When I told you I was in love, I was scared. And I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere, so I had to end it as soon as possible!" 

"Your logic is delusional! So you're going to hurt her by pretending to like Troy? Is that the way things are going to work?" he shouted at her. "This is a ridiculous scheme and I refuse to be a part of it." 

"I didn't hurt her, Ryan. She could never feel the same way, and it's never going to work out! Why won't you listen?" 

"But you never know! You never know because you never tried! You never knew if there was a whole new person inside you, because you never bothered to take off the lid to have a look! You won't live, because you're so convinced that you know best. But what the hell, sis. You don't know best, because what you need isn't to play it safe. What you need is love." 

"I don't need anybody." Sharpay kept walking, and walked up the steps of Kelsi's house. Her parents were out, and she could already hear music coming from her house. Then a loud thump. That must've been Chad, she thought dryly. 

"You'll see." Ryan was still talking. She wished he would just shut up, just stop being right. 

As soon as they walked in, Chad bounced up to them and greeted them both. Then he took Ryan aside, probably to steal a few kisses. Sharpay suddenly felt very alone.

She stood in the corner of the room, sipping a drink, watching Chad slowly get everyone drunker. As the lights dimmed and the few sun rays shyly poking their way through the window slowly thinned and disappeared, everyone suddenly seemed more relaxed, more at ease with each other. Even Kelsi came over to Sharpay and thanked her for coming. It wasn't even as awkward as she remembered it, and for a moment, she felt strangely happy. 

Suddenly, she found herself being pushed into a circle where a group of the people she had come to see as friends were sitting. They were playing Truth or Dare, Chad said, his head on Taylor's shoulder. She glared at him, trying to tell him to stop leaning on Taylor, but he just grinned at her a sad little grin and turned away. 

Kelsi went first. "Truth or Dare?" Ryan asked, smiling at her. 

"Truth," she said. 

"Wimp!" That was Chad. She switched to dare. 

"Lick Ryan's face!" This shout came from Martha. The group laughed, and Ryan shrugged his shoulders. 

"I'm ready," he said. 

Kelsi did it, followed by many shouts of "ew!" and loud laughter. 

Next it was Chad's turn. He picked dare, naturally. 

"Kiss Kelsi," Sharpay said it quietly but the whole room heard, nonetheless. Ryan looked at her with pleading eyes. She shrugged at him. 

Chad stood up, then walked a few steps to where Kelsi was sitting, a half smile already on her face. Chad knelt down next her and turned her head, and then they were kissing. A two second, awkward kiss, but still a kiss. And Ryan watched, glaring at Sharpay, who smirked at him. 

"Shar, your turn." His eyes glared daggers at her. 

"Dare." She dared him with her eyes, dared him to say something. 

"Kiss the prettiest person in the room." And then he smiled. God, she wanted to punch his smug face so hard. 

Gabriella was sitting next to her. It would be so easy to tilt her head, and then her lips would be on hers and they would be kissing. It would be like everything she ever dreamed of. Just tilt your head, she thought to her herself. Just do it. Just live. Find out who you are, and who you need. 

And then she turned her head in the opposite direction and kissed Troy, grabbing his face, and she felt him tense, but then he yielded and kissed her back for half a second. Then she came up for air, and it was over. 

She felt sick to her stomach. She wanted to cry. For the rest of the game, she felt displaced, like she didn't know what she was doing and why she existed anymore. All she was doing was hurting herself and others and she didn't know how to make it stop, all that she knew was that she would do anything for it to stop. 

Gabriella got up and excused herself to go to the bathroom. Ten minutes later, a car pulled up outside Kelsi's house and she watched Gabriella go. 

She was useless. Just a bulldozer of pain. Why did she have to hurt Ryan like that just for telling the truth? Why did she have to hurt herself, over and over again, like a bird that flies at a window, over and over again, never giving up hope, but killing itself in the process? 

As the night wore on, and the tide rolled over her, she walked out the door, and began the long walk home, alone.


	6. just two girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has a few trigger warnings, so read at your own risk :) 
> 
> TWs -   
> Abuse   
> Suicide  
> Drinking

Gabriella sat with Troy in her Biology class, picking at her chapped nails while pretending not to notice him stealing glances at her. She longed to feel Sharpay's eyes boring into the back of her head, but she hadn't been in school for the past week. Sharpay was so confusing, and frankly, she didn't have the effort to deal with her. From now on, she wouldn't let her feelings get to her. She would hang out with Troy, have fun, take life as it comes. And she would never open up to anyone ever again. Especially not Sharpay. 

As she wrote notes in her notebook, she kept thinking what had happened nearly a week ago, at Kelsi's party. She sensed somehow that Sharpay was scared of something, someone. But what did she care? Sharpay obviously liked Troy, and Troy liked Gabriella. After the party, he had gotten her number from Ryan and messaged her, asking her out. Since then, they had been dating, almost cautiously, trying out new things. He had kissed her, yesterday. It was... nice. He was a good kisser. 

Out of the corner of her eye, she could sense him smiling at her, almost like a gentle, Mona Lisa's smirk. He grasped her hand under the table, lacing his fingers through hers, and squeezing every few seconds. It was almost as if he could sense that she wasn't quite there with him in the classroom, and he somehow wanted to bring her back, to make her see him. She looked over at him, tried to convey with her eyes that she was there, looking at him through glassy eyes. He smiled at her. He had a beautiful smile. It was nice. 

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear the bell ring, and Troy pulled her into a hug as the students rapidly began to filter out of the classroom, chatting in their small groups. 

"You wanna hang out tonight?" Troy asked her, cutting her daydream short. 

"Can't." She grabbed her backpack and bent over to tie her black sneakers. Ever since the Sharpay fiasco, she had started dressing differently, trying out new styles. It was almost like she wanted to be a new person, and this was the easiest way to do it. Today, she was wearing a flannel shirt over a band t-shirt. "I've got... lot's of homework on." 

This wasn't a lie, exactly. Today was meant to be the day of the week when she was meeting Sharpay after school, but she had kind of assumed that it had been cancelled. Still, Gabriella thought, she might as well check up on her. Just to see if she was okay. Or, at least, trying to be okay. 

"Okay. I'll see you around then." Troy paused, retrieving the right words. "Are you sure you don't want to get ice cream? It's just down the road." 

Gabriella sighed inwardly. "Sure," she smiled. "I've just got to check on Sharpay first, is that okay?" 

Troy looked surprised for a second, but then his features cleared. "Sure. I'll wait outside, since an encounter with Sharpay is not one of my favourite things to do on a Friday night." He took a breath. "I have no idea what she was thinking that night. She knows I only have eyes for one girl, and one girl only." He grinned at Gabriella, his eyes shining. He was always smiling around her, Gabriella noticed. 

"Yeah. That was just weird." She didn't care to talk about it. It was too confusing and weird. Sure, it was a dare. But the way she kissed him... there seemed to be an intensity about it. 

Troy and Gabriella walked, smiling at each other every few seconds, talking about nothing for a while. Talking to him was easy. He was naturally friendly, and she liked him. 

They walked out of the school gates together, and as Troy reached over to take her hand, Gabriella suddenly pulled away. The movement was so small, she wasn't sure if Troy had noticed. She almost hadn't noticed it herself. He looked at her with questioning eyes. 

"I'm not ready... for this to be public. Yet." She tried to lighten the mood by smiling, but it didn't work. He nodded. 

"I understand." They walked in silence for a while. Sharpay lived painfully near to the school. In the days when Gabriella and Sharpay had been friends, Gabriella had asked her about how she could deal with living so close to this literal hellhole. Sharpay had replied, simply, "It's the one place where my parents can't control me." She didn't ask, though perhaps she should've, why bells and teachers and friends who hurt you was so much better than dealing with parents. She couldn't bear to. 

Finally, they reached her home which was standing proudly at the end of the road. Troy looked at her. "Go on then. I'll be waiting right outside." 

She began to climb the steps leading up to her house, when Troy pulled her back into his embrace, and kissed her. She tensed for a second, and then kissed him back. Then, she knocked on the door. 

No one answered. She started to kick up the dirt in the driveway, muttering under her breath, annoyed. Troy looked at her, questioningly. 

"She might be asleep. I'll come in through the back door. Wait here." He nodded, and took out his phone. 

She tried the back door, which creaked open easily. "Hello?" she shouted into the corridor. There was no answer. Ryan was out with Chad tonight, she knew, but where was Sharpay? 

She walked through the corridor, listening for sounds. Suddenly, there came a crash from upstairs. 

Gabriella started to run, sprinting up the stairs, not caring about the noise she was making, but only caring about Sharpay. Where was she? What was happening? 

"Sharpay? Where are you?" She heard a groan coming from Sharpay's room, and she opened to door to find her lying on the floor, eyes glazed, bottle in hand. Gabriella just stood there in horror, feeling waves of emotion come over her. Her knees buckles and she fell to the floor. Then, like a dark cloud parting, her brain cleared and coherent thoughts finally broke their way through the murk in her mind. She stared at her, and began to yell. 

"SHARPAY! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Sharpay looked up from where we was on the floor, her expression barely changing as she took in Gabriella. 

"Hey, Gabriella," she slurred, taking another sip of the bottle in her hand. "Want some?" 

"YOU'RE DRINKING? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF? ARE YOU REALLY SO FUCKING HOPELESS ABOUT LIFE THAT YOU THOUGHT YOU'D FIND THE ANSWER IN A BLOODY BOTTLE? IS THAT WHAT IT IS?" She couldn't seem to stop. The tears came like a flood, and slowly, they extinguished the fire that burned inside her. She crumpled. "How could you do this to me?" she sobbed. "You have to stop." 

"Spare me the lecture." The words came out fast, almost rolled into one. She was drunk. Very drunk. "I'm the one numbing my wounds with drink and you're the one who's hurt? You're just like my mother." 

"I don't know your mother." That's when Gabriella noticed the bruises adorning her body. They sat there, like flowers, almost like accessories, as casual as something she had almost decided to wear that morning. As if she stood in front of a mirror, thinking, what should I wear today? How about the lovely bruises? 

"Oh, Shar." She reached out to touch her face, and she flinched away. "What happened?" 

"I came out to my mum." Finally, something resembling emotion flitted across Sharpay's face. "Didn't go well." 

"We have to call the police." It was a whisper, but Sharpay's head jerked up. 

"Nononono, she'd fucking kill me. Dead. Boom." Her voice rose in volume, panic lacing every syllable. "I'll just go to sleep, and things will be better in the morning. Once I've had a drink." Then her voice cracked, and she started laughing hysterically, tears running down her face. 

"Sharpay." She was still crying. 

"Gabriella. I fucking love you, you know that? I wanted to kiss you at Kelsi's party, but I was too scared. Now look at me."

Shock registered, but then she softened. "You're drunk. You won't remember this tomorrow." 

Sharpay didn't seem to hear. "You know, I want to die. But I also want you. That's the choice I need to make." 

"Please don't talk like that. Look at you, you're beautiful. You can't die. Please." Sharpay looked up at her, her eyes shining like pools of honey in the sun. Even in her state, her eyes had a certain intensity. 

"You... think I'm beautiful?" Her eyelashes fluttered as her drunk brain turned over every word. "Please, let me go." 

Gabriella no longer knew what she was talking about, but her heart was ripped apart with pain. But tangling with the pain, pulling a part, was a greater need. 

It was the need to kiss her. 

So she did. 

It was as simple as that. Sharpay started to say something, her voice racked with sobs, and Gabriella stopped her talking and covered her mouth with hers. They were both a mess, she realised - a mess of hands and pain and alcohol and music and everything they were made up of. But, tonight, it wasn't just that. She didn't see her brokenness, her bruises, her flaws and pain that pulled on her sleeve. She just saw this girl, this beautiful, broken girl, and her heart leapt inside her and their tongues tangled and their noses touched and their breath mingled - drunk and sober, happiness and pain, this girl and another girl just kissing. All this love, seeping through their fingertips and their lips. 

And what was the harm, she realized, when the whole world was crumbling around them, for two people to kiss? 

Their hands intertwined. Her hair running through her fingers. A voice, filtering through their fuzzy minds. 

"What the hell?" 

It was Troy.


	7. i believe you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm really sorry for not updating in a while, mental health hasn't really been great. Please leave a comment if you enjoy it, it really would mean a lot to me! Thank you for reading my little story and humoring me :)

Troy wouldn't look at Gabriella. She called and called after him - he left without a backwards glance. Gabriella ran after him, the rain dripping from her nose, unbearable sadness consuming her body.

She could've sworn the sun had been shining a second ago. 

And yet - as much as she hated hurting Troy, the boy she had kissed, and held hands with for a week - she couldn't shake the feeling that she was somehow complete. That Sharpay, with all her brokenness and salty tears and smudged makeup, had with one kiss, made her more whole than she had ever been. 

And she didn't regret it. Not one little bit. 

"Gab?" Sharpay had murmured, from the doorway. Her name was so beautiful, coming from her mouth. It made her sound like she was a person. 

"Don't." Then Gabriella had sat down on the curb, and cried. 

Sharpay had sat down next to her. Even then, she had understood that Gabriella just needed to cry. So they sat together, foreheads resting against each other, Sharpay's alcohol tinged breath mingling with Gabriella's. And Sharpay once again got lost in Gabriella's honeypot eyes. 

"Will you remember this tomorrow?" Gabriella whispered to Sharpay. 

"I'll remember this day until I die," Sharpay said, a small smile adorning her features. God, she was so beautiful.

"You're drunk," Gabriella said. "Let's get you into bed." 

"No," Sharpay's voice broke into the darkness. "Wait. Wait for the stars to come out."

Gabriella started to get up, then sat back down. She reached for Gabriella's hand, and their fingers entangled, warmth seeping through the palms of their hands. The warmth of something human, flesh and bone. 

One by one, tiny pinpricks of light illuminated the sky. It was an if they were under a dome, and someone had poked holes in the dome of the world and the light was finally allowed to seep through. She felt Sharpay squeeze her hand, and she felt utterly content. 

"You see that?" Gabriella lent back, pulling Sharpay to lie next to her. "That bright star? That's not a star after all. That's Venus. The goddess of love."

Sharpay turned on to her side, and slowly took in all of Gabriella's features. "I'm sorry," She whispered. 

"For what?" Gabriella smiled. 

"For everything," 

"Don't be stupid, honey," Gabriella laughed. "I love you, silly."

"You do?" Sharpay's chocolate eyes had widened, her pupils dilating rapidly. 

"Of course I do." 

And she kissed her again. 

***

"Sharpay? Sharpay?! What are you doing? Why are you sleeping on the front door step? Get up!"

Sharpay's head pounded. She could barely process anything. Ryan was standing over her, a hand stretched out. 

"Ryan?" God, it was so bright. "Where were you last night?"

"I was trying to calm her down." And then he grabbed Sharpay in a hug so tight that she felt her heart would burst and her ribs would crack. "Gabriella told me what happened."

That's when Sharpay noticed the concern carved into Ryan's face, and the tears that were in danger of spilling over. "Ryan, please don't." Her voice cracked. 

"Shar, what are we going to do?" Ryan grabbed her hand, and held it. It was comforting, his broad hands his his painted nails in hers. It was jarring, after holding Gabriella's smooth hands the previous night, to have her brother's hand in hers. 

"'What are we going to do', Ry? We can't do anything! Don't you understand?" 

"We have to do something!" 

"I can't think right now, Ryan. Okay?" 

"Sharpay, I'm gay too, you know! How the fuck do you think Mother's going to react when I come out to her?" Ryan screamed, his tears suddenly overflowing. "Please, just please, stop thinking about yourself for one second and think of us. This, right now, is real. She's a danger, Shar. She's either going to kick us out, or worse, she's going to keep us here."

Sharpay buried her head in her hands. "It's hopeless. God, why did I have to be born this way?" 

"For God's sake, sis! You were born this way because you were! Just accept yourself as you are. Don't live your life for Mother, me, or even Gabriella. Just live! You've come too far in yourself to give up now."

"Easy for you to say. It was so easy for yourself to accept yourself the way you were."

"STOP SAYING IT WAS EASY FOR ME! No, it fucking wasn't. You think I don't notice what they say about me? You think I haven't always known I was different? Yes, I have. And it hurts, Shar! It fucking hurts. And yes, I've grown so much these past few years, grown into this self-acceptance. But everywhere, I see this pain. I see Chad, hating himself, hating me for who he is. I see you, hating yourself for who you are. I see Mother, hating both of us. And screw you if you think it's easy for me to see everyone go through the same thing I've spent the last seventeen years going through. It hurts, Shar." 

Sharpay stared at Ryan for a few seconds, then looked down at her pink nails, chapped and flawed as they were. 

"We're broken people, aren't we, Ryan?" She said, quietly. 

"Yes," Ryan agreed, reluctantly. "We're all broken. But you know what we're meant to do? You know what the world expects us to do?" Sharpay shook her head. "The world expects us to say we're okay. To keep smiling. Because we've all gone through this shit in our lives, and we've got to keep it all inside, for fear of hurting others." Ryan clenched his fists. "But you know what we've got to do? You know what the hell we have gone to do?" He was shouting now. "WE'VE GOT TO GIVE THE WORLD OUR MIDDLE FINGER! We are human, we're allowed to feel pain, and that's okay! We're broken, and that's okay! But don't do what the world wants us to! Let yourself be loved. Tell Gabriella about what you're feeling."

"Ryan, you're the best brother ever," Sharpay said quietly. 

Ryan grinned sheepishly. "Don't get all soppy on me, Shar." 

They both looked at each, a small, broken smile passing between them. 

"So, what are we going to do?" Ryan said, quietly. 

"I guess time will tell." 

***

When Sharpay came to school the next morning, Gabriella was waiting for her at the school gates. Her whole face lit up from the inside when she saw her, her heart beat rapidly rising. 

"Morning, sleepyhead!" Gabriella called, a cautious smile playing on her features. 

Sharpay smiled sheepishly, strangely shy after the events of last night. "Hey, you."

"About that night-" Gabriella started, and Sharpay cut her off. 

"I'm better. Whatever. It's all okay. Fine. Sure."

"No, It's not okay!" Gabriella shouted, her voice rising. "Shar, she hit you!" 

"Look, can we not talk about this here?" Sharpay whispered. 

"You're right. For now, we have each other. Everything's going to be okay. We'll talk later. Can we hang out tonight?"

Sharpay smiled. "Sure. Can we go to your place?"

"Definitely. My mum's nice. You'll love her." 

Gabriella gently tilted Sharpay's chin and planted a gentle kiss on her lips. It was so sweet and tender, Sharpay felt like she was about to cry. "Shar. Everything's going to be okay."

Sharpay smiled through the tears. "I believe you."


	8. the real me

"No, don't tell me! Shhh! I've got this one," Gabriella giggled, her nose scrunching adorably. 

"I don't think you do," Sharpay shrugged, her eyes shining with laughter. "Give up?"

They were playing charades on Gabriella's bed after school. Sharpay loved noticing small things about Gabriella, like the way her eyes crinkled when she laughed, and the mole on the bottom of her chin. She wanted to know everything about her. 

"Shar! Come on, you're not allowed to talk. You're spoiling the fun. Start again."

"Fine! Fine," Sharpay mimed zipping her mouth shut, then let a giggle escape her. She mimed something that looked like a fish. Gabriella sat next to her, a judgmental expression making camp on her face.

"Okay, I give up," Gabriella sighed. "What is it?"

"This, my dear, is my way of telling you that we should be watching Ponyo right now."

Gabriella leant over and planted a gentle kiss on Sharpay's cheek. "And so we shall." She laughed, and as Sharpay leant into her, she tilted her head up to her and looked into her eyes. She kissed her once, deeply. "So we shall."

***

Two hours later they were lying together, Sharpay a snoring mess in Gabriella's arms. "Shar?" Gabriella whispered, barely suppressing her smile. 

"Hhhgh." A noise, unintelligible.

"Shar, did you seriously fall asleep while watching a movie that you suggested?"

"Maybe I did," she murmured from the covers. "Or maybe I'm so comfortable in your presence that I feel that I can fall asleep anytime."

Gabriella smiled, but she was still concerned. "Are you sleeping enough at night?"

"Don't worry about me, Gab. Everything's okay."

"Everything's okay?" Concern was written all over Gabriella's features. 

"Yeah. I've got you, right? What more do I need?" Hope was written all over Sharpay's brown eyes, pools of hone, pools of hope and naivety. Gabriella's heart ached for her. 

"You need a loving family," Gabriella started to say, her voice rising. Sharpay registered this change in tone, and she shifted slightly onto her side, and looked Gabriella into her eyes. 

"Really. I'm fine."

When Gabriella's voice next emerged, it cracked like it was being worn down by an ache greater than it could stand. "One day you'll realize how loved you really are. And then you'll be able to reach out for help when you need it."

"Goddammit, Gabs, I don't need help." Her eyes filled with tears, and she buried her face in a pillow. "I just need you."

"Well, you've got me." Gabriella said, a smile emerging. "Now that you've got me, what are you going to do with me?" 

Sharpay's eyes glistened, and something passed between the two girls, though Gabriella wasn't sure what it was. "Love you until the ends of the world."

***

They had been cuddling for about an hour when Sharpay mumbled sleepily - "I should probably head back home now. Don't want my mum to be mad."

Gabriella started. "Really? Are you sure? Because if you need a place to stay-"

"No, really. I'm okay."

Skepticism was written on Gabriella's face. "If you say so. Come on, I'll drive you home."

They both piled into Gabriella's mum's car. It was a rusty old thing, and would barely even start when Gabriella tried turning the ignition. Sharpay giggled softly in the darkness. 

"Something funny?" Gabriella asked, innocently, an edge to her voice. 

"Come on, I'll drive," Sharpay offered. 

"No, no, I've got it," Gabriella laughed, and the car finally started. "There we go!"

"If you say so."

They both looked at each other in the darkness, and something passed between them. Sharpay grabbed Gabriella's pinkie in her own, and their hands entangled. 

For a while, they just sat there, together, in the darkness. Things seemed different somehow, here in the murky gloom. It was as if they had acknowledged that they were really here, in the moment, and soon that moment would be gone. 

"What are you thinking about?" Gabriella whispered. 

"Just how lucky I am."

"The feeling is very much mutual." Sharpay could hear her smile. 

They sat in silence for a little longer, and Gabriella could feel the question gnawing at her from the inside.

"Why'd you kiss Troy?" Gabriella suddenly blurted out. 

Sharpay looked up. "Same reason you did." Silence. "I guess I was scared of being the person I wanted to be with you. I was scared of finally being myself." Gabriella squeezed her hand, and this gave her courage to keep talking. "Like, do you ever feel as if you're molding your personality day to day to be the person other people want you to be?"

"Yeah, of course. Every single day."

"But yeah. That's bullshit, isn't it? We're all people. And we're all made to believe that we're worthless, unless we don't fit into some boxes that they've laid out for us."

"Do I put you in a box?"

"You, Gabs, are the only person who doesn't do that. From the first day I met you, you saw the real me. And I'm so grateful to you."

"Believe me, I'm the one who should be grateful," Gabriella whispered. "You've shown me so many more possibilities."

"I was so lonely before I finally found what I've been looking for," Gabriella said, pressing her forhead up against Sharpay's. "It's you. You've always been what I've been looking for."

Sharpay smiled, and kissed Gabriella. They tasted of rain, sweetness, and time. "It's always been you."

They lied they for a while, the darkness consuming them. 

Their thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a phone ringing. It was Sharpay's. 

She groaned and picked it up. The glare of the screen illuminated her face, and her brown eyes glinted in the dark. She was so beautiful. 

"It's Ryan," she observed, with confusion. 

Five minutes later, she put the phone down, and all the colour had drained from her face. 

"Ryan has run away."


	9. scared

Sharpay drove as fast as she could, her voice laced with barely concealed panic overflowing. Gabriella had let her drive, in the end, her panic was so great. 

"I think he might have come out to mum, too. I think she knew. He says he ran away, and that she didn't kick him out, but I'm not so sure. Oh God, what do I do?" She was crying now, her salty tears over-spilling onto the steering wheel. Gabriella wanted to talk, to tell her that she shouldn't be driving when she was so upset, wanted to make it all better. But what did she know? What could she do? She had never felt so useless. 

"Sharpay, honey. What are you going to do?" She felt Sharpay glance at her, felt her tear-stained eyes gloss over her as if she were not there. Sharpay's vision was blurry was overflowing tears. A car sped past them, swerving at the last second. Gabriella jumped up, as if waking from a dream-like state. "You need to stop the car! You can't drive like this!"

Sharpay didn't look up. "I have to help Ryan."

"Do you even know where he is?" Gabriella asked in disbelief.

Sharpay looked at her, perhaps for the first time since they had gotten the news. 

"Yeah." 

"Where is he?"

"He's gone to Chad's."

"How do you know?"

"I just do." She turned back to her steering wheel. 

They drove in silence for a few more minutes, Sharpay's tears running silently down her cheeks. The roads twisted in front of them, the murky darkness spreading and swallowing the car's feeble flashlights. 

"Wait, Shar?" Sharpay looked over to her. "Isn't Chad's house back there?"

Sharpay turned back to the road, the glaring headlights reflecting in her dark eyes. "I'm not going to Chad's house."

"But - You just said-" Realisation dawned. The anvil fell and Gabriella looked up, her eyes laced with panic. "No, Sharpay, you can't-"

"I'm going to talk to her." Sharpay's voice contained a hint of metal, and a warning protruded from it. 

"No, you can't go back home to your mother! Shar, she'll kill you!"

"Then let me die." Her eyes were blank, unfeeling. "I'm not sitting back and doing nothing!"

"Sharpay! This is ridiculous! You're going home to your abuser, and voluntarily. Think about it! This is stupid! This is a ridiculous scheme and I REFUSE TO BE PART OF IT!" She yelled the last part, tears springing to her eyes as suddenly as the burst of anger. 

The car was silent, the silence swallowing them harder than the darkness. 

When the reply came, it was filled with a gentle kind of menace. 

"Then leave."

Gabriella looked at her, her dark eyes wide with a mixture of emotions. For a second, Sharpay thought she saw a mixture of love and hurt, but then they cleared. 

"You don't mean that."

"I do. If you won't let me do this, then just leave."

Sometimes people don't mean the things they say. But Sharpay spoke the words as if they were the surest thing she'd ever say, even think. 

"But you need me," Gabriella whispered. "Just admit to yourself that you need me."

Sharpay laughed. It was a sharp little thing. "I don't need anyone."

"But-"

"For fuck's sake, Gabriella! Please, just go! I never needed you. You were just a game to me. An experimentation, if you like! So just get out! Shout at me, hit me, tear out my hair, can't be fucking worse that what everyone else has done to me. Just go away."

Gabriella just stared at her in the darkness.

"You're trying to hurt me. You want me to be angry," she said, realization dawning.

"Just give me what I deserve," she uttered in a broken voice. 

Gabriella suddenly lent forward and planted a gentle kiss on her lips, kissing her tears away. 

"What are you doing? I thought I made myself quite clear," Sharpay said. 

"Giving you what you deserve." Gabriella smiled sadly. 

"Please, go. You're making it hurt more."

"Love hurts, though, right? That's how we know it's love."

Sharpay smiled, then pushed it down. She rearranged her hair. 

"I don't think you know what love is, Gab. Maybe I don't, either."

"I think I do. Because I met you."

"But love doesn't have to hurt, right? And I think I've had enough of hurt for a lifetime."

"Please, just let yourself feel."

"It's not about letting myself feel. It's about being able to live with myself if I do."

"I don't even know what we're talking about anymore. What are you so scared of?"

Sharpay was silent, and she closed her eyes. It was a while before Gabriella spoke again. 

"It's the possibility of being loved by someone who doesn't want to hurt you, right?"

Sharpay opened her eyes again, and they were tinged with anger. 

"Shut up. Please, just shut up!" She clamped her hands over her ears. She looked up. "Please, just let me do this."

Gabriella just stared at her, her eyes wide and open and full of love. Could she really let her do this? Could she be responsible for this?

For love?

Well, if she didn't know what love was, then for Sharpay?

"Please, just stay safe."

Sharpay smiled. There was no peace in the smile, just the brutal satisfaction at having won. For once in her life, she had won. 

"Thank you."

Gabriella grabbed the car handle. "I'm leaving."

Sharpay started to say something, then stopped. She started again. "Will you come back?"

Gabriella smiled, with sadness in her eyes. "If you want me to, just say the word."

Gabriella closed the door, and as she walked away, her footsteps took on a grim, resolute tone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just remembered that this is a High School Musical fanfiction. Wow, this just got deep for a fanfiction based on something that's made for kids. Sorry about that, my dudes! Hope you enjoy!  
> (I've been writing this to a soundtrack of edgy music so it's kind of showing in this, please just bear with me)


	10. not my mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW-  
> Abuse  
> Drinking  
> D slur

The sadness lingered for a few seconds more, Gabriella's sharp words seeping into her skin, crawling into her pores like cockroaches. Sharpay sat there, her once immaculate blonde hair filled with sweat and her perfectly applied mascara streaming down her face.

Maybe it was crazy, what she was doing. Maybe she should've taken Gabriella's advice, and ran from the home that had forged so many scars in her life. Maybe things would've turned out differently if Sharpay hadn't gone back to that hellish place that day. 

But she had to. No matter how much she loved Gabriella, she had to do this. 

She drove in silence, the soundtrack of a moonlit neighborhood allowing her brain to fill the oppressive silence with her panicked thoughts. 

The truth was, she was scared. Maybe it was suicidal, but she wanted to show her mother that despite her abuse, Sharpay was more than her mother would ever be. 

As Sharpay drove into the night, she realized something that only at that moment occurred to her. It was the fact that before she met Gabriella, she would never have attempted something so ridiculous as to stand up to someone. Before she met Gabriella, she had been hiding away in the shadows, disguising her insecurities by exaggerating her personality and being rude to everyone. For years, no one had ever realized that it was all a facade. 

Except Gabriella, who from their very first meeting, she saw through the pink bedroom and the fake annoyance to the person deep within Sharpay's core, a whole new person struggling to come out. And this sincerity, the fact that Gabriella was the only person that truly saw her, that was what Sharpay was grateful for. 

She was grateful for the fact that despite her severities, Gabriella loved Sharpay with a fierce, quiet kind of passion, one that no one else dared to show. She took Sharpay's broken bits, the ones that her mother had cracked open, and patched it shut with her love. 

She didn't appreciate how broken she had been until the moment she met Gabriella. Overwhelmed by the crushing silence, Sharpay pressed the play button on her "fabulous" car, and the music from the CD started to play. The song that Sharpay and Gabriella had sung together. 

"It's hard to believe  
That I couldn't see  
You were always right beside me."

Oh god, the memories. Who was Sharpay back then? Sharpay, when she was first beginning to uncover the mystery of Gabriella Montez. Sharpay, back before she had lost Gabriella. 

"Thought I was alone  
With no one to hold  
But you were always right beside me."

For all of Sharpay's life, she had never known someone to stand beside her. Her mother stood before her, her broad shoulders blocking out the sun of Sharpay's life. Her brother Ryan had stood behind her, cowering in her the false shadow that she cast by her fake confidence. And everyone else?

They stood around her. 

But now Sharpay saw that Gabriella had always, always, been right beside her. Sharpay hadn't known it, and she had never acknowledged it, but Gabriella had always been right beside her. 

And as the road stretched out in front of her, Sharpay could feel her presence, watching, and waiting. 

***

It's funny, Sharpay thought to herself, how something as trivial as a building can make you feel so many emotions welling up inside you. 

As Sharpay drove up to her house, all the memories came tumbling down upon her, crushing her beneath a sudden wave of sorrow. What she would've given to be a small child again, looking up to her mother with starry eyes and a love-filled heart. 

But then she crawled out from the hole of sorrow, and determination seeped into her bones, adrenaline pulsing through her veins, her heart rapidly palpitating. 

"It's okay, Sharpay. You can do this," she told herself, anxiety lacing her every syllable. 

She opened her car door, her hands shaking. 

"For Ryan. You just need to talk to her, okay?" 

She took a deep breath, and opened to the door to the house that held so many painful memories for her. The house that held her pink room that blinded her to the constant black of the pain that pushed down on her daily. 

Her footsteps were strangely loud, amplified by the emptiness of the rooms. Sharpay's mother had never even tried to make her house a home for her children. 

As she walked into the kitchen, the first thing she saw were her mother sitting at the table, bottle in hand. In that moment, she looked so pathetic, that Sharpay almost felt sorry for her. But then she extinguished it, remembering what she had done.

Sharpay's mother looked up, her black-rimmed eyes meeting Sharpay's. 

"Where's your brother?" The voice was husky and mild, but beneath, there lurked an anger threatening to burst out, and engulf Sharpay. 

"I don't know." Sharpay said, anger in her voice. 

"I SAID, where is your brother?" She slowly rose from her seat, her fists clenching. 

"I said I don't know." 

"Fucking d*ke! The lot of you, I never felt as if you weren't my children. But this proves it."

Sadness welled up inside Sharpay, but a stronger, more prominent emotion suddenly overtook it. Rage. 

"Do you know why Ryan has gone? It's because of you. Because you forced him out, because you couldn't accept your own son!" 

Sharpay's mother laughed, a cold little thing. "Ha! He's not my son. You always side with him, don't you?"

"You want me to side with YOU? That's a laugh."

"Well, then. You're not my daughter."

"You're drunk, you're angry, and you're being a bitch. Just accept that your son is gone, probably for life, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FUCKING PARENT! YOU'RE A TERRIBLE PERSON, AND I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL!"

"What..." There was a pregnant pause. "What did you just call me?"

"I said, you're a bitch! And someone needs to tell you that, because the bruises on my face sure as FUCK aren't doing their job! Where's your remorse? Where's your motherfucking remorse? You gave me nothing in this world! And Ryan opens up to you, and you did goodness knows what to him, and now he's run away. What do you say to that?" 

Her mother mumbled something. Sharpay knew this was wrong, knew she shouldn't be saying these things, but she couldn't stop. The rage had been built up for too long.

"SPEAK UP!"

"I said, you'll make Ryan come back, or you'll pay."

Sharpay laughed. 

"No." 

"What?"

"No, I'm not letting Ryan come back."

"You little-" Her mother jumped up, hands outstretched, and clawed at Sharpay's throat. Blood poured from the gash made in her neck, and as the oxygen was cut off from her brain, she began to laugh. 

"This is why Dad left you," she croaked. "This is why Ryan ran away."

"SHUT UP!" Her mother screamed. 

"This is why you're not my mother." Her vision was blurring, her grip on reality slipping. 

Suddenly, her vision returned, and the face above her was no longer her mother, and their breath no longer reeked of alcohol. 

It was Ryan. 

"Sis, let's go! No time! While she's out, let's go!" 

Sharpay had no idea what was going on. She felt like crying and laughing at the same time, but then she took Ryan's hand, and with a deep breath, they stepped outside of their house together.


	11. fixed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! I'm so sorry for not updating for so long, I love you all and thank you for your continued support. Enjoy this chapter, and please leave a comment if you would like!

When Sharpay began the long trek into consciousness, the first thing she heard was Gabriella. 

"Sharpay?" 

God, the light. Why did everything have to be so bright? 

"W-where am I?" Sharpay stammered. When her voice emerged from her throat, it surfaced as a husky whisper. 

"Shhh... You're safe now." 

Was this a dream? Gabriella must hate her now. She had risked everything, and for what? Her mother still had her trapped, and Ryan was... 

"Ryan!" Sharpay sat up, the blood quickly rushing to her head. "Ugh..." Flopping back down, her vision was reduced to black again. 

A laugh filled the air, and god, she had missed that laugh. "Yeah... might wanna take it easy for a while. You hit your head quite hard." 

Hit her... Yes. The memories flooded back. Ryan taking her hand and they stepped outside the home that they had been trapped in for years. Then, the situation must have finally caught up to her when she collapsed. The last thing she remembered was Ryan picking her up, his gentle face filled with brotherly concern. 

Slowly, Sharpay tried to sit up again. The room warped around her, but clutching at her brother's arm, she managed to sit up long enough to not black out again. As the room slowly settled, she took in the curious sight around her. 

Gabriella was sitting at the foot of the bed, swathed in flannel, her dark hair pulled into a braid. Her face was pale and her brown eyes emanated sleeplessness, and yet she still looked and radiant and beautiful as ever. 

In that moment, Sharpay realized how much she loved Gabriella. Not in that strange kind of need she used to feel, but the way her heart burst with this affection and appreciation for the person in front of her was truly synonymous with love. And yet, her heart ached. Because, what was there to love about Sharpay? She was just a small, broken creature, covering up the mess of herself with snarky comments. With each layer she added to the Russian doll of her persona, she could feel herself slipping away. But she couldn't stop. Every day, she was just adding layer after layer of wood to her already broken shell, in the hope to creature a doll worth loving. But with Gabriella, there was none of this Russian doll bullshit. With Gabriella, Sharpay got the impression that everything that Gabriella was, was genuine. And she loved her, so much. 

She only hoped that one day, Gabriella could love her back. 

"Gabriella..." Her voice was small, but she hoped it was genuine. "Gabriella."

Tears began to run down her face, salt staining her flawed cheeks. The voice was racked with sobs, but she still managed to choke out the only thing that was true anymore. 

"I missed you." 

Gabriella smiled through her tears. "I missed you too." 

Ryan looked from Gabriella to Sharpay, from Sharpay to Gabriella. "Should I... give you two some time to talk? Once you're done, I'll explain a few things. You must have some questions." 

Gabriella smiled. "Sure." 

Ryan ruffled Sharpay's hair. "I missed you, you idiot." 

"I missed you too. Don't go all soft on me, bro," Sharpay laughed, punching Ryan lightly. 

"Yeah, yeah." Ryan smiled, winked, and left the room dramatically. 

"So..." Sharpay turned to Gabriella. 

"Sooo..." Gabriella grinned, but there was something behind it. 

"It's okay, you can say it! I know what you're thinking."

"I wasn't thinking anything!" Gabriella said, defensively holding her hands up. 

"You were gonna say, 'I told you so,', and fuck, you were right. I shouldn't have gone to her, I fucked up. I'm sorry, Gabriella, okay? I said some horrible things, I'm a shit person, I-"

"Stop." Gabriella said. "Don't say anything more, okay?"

"But I-"

"Shut up!"

Sharpay began to laugh. "But!"

"Shhh! Shut it! Shut that mouth! Zip it!" Gabriella was giggling too, and tears began to pour from her eyes. "Don't you dare say that ever again. Also! If you ever put yourself in danger ever again, I don't know what I'd do! I'd, I'd..."

"Yeah." Sharpay looked at her hands, at her chapped pink nail polish. "Gabriella, I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too. We both fucked up, huh?"

"Yeah," Sharpay smiled. "I guess it's fair to say we both did fuck up." 

Gabriella shuffled a bit closer to Sharpay, on the bed she was lying on. "Can... can I kiss you?"

Sharpay grinned. "You shouldn't have to ask." 

And then they were kissing. Two broken, fucked up people kissing on a bed, and yet, this time it was more tender and sweet that the other times. It was a kiss of two people who had grown and seen too much, two teenagers who were just starting to see the world for what it really was. It was the kiss of two people who found solace in one another, and that was enough. 

When they pulled away, the both knew things had changed, whether for the better or for the worse. 

They grinned at each other. "Should we call Ryan in?" 

***

Twenty minutes later, Sharpay, Gabriella and Ryan were sitting at a table in a cafe, waiting for the waitress to bring them their coffees. 

"Couldn't we just have had the conversation at Gabriella's place?" Sharpay asked. In the time it took to get to this cafe, she had been informed that the place she had been staying was in fact Gabriella's new flat. 

"This is cuter, don't you think?" Ryan grinned. 

Sharpay and Gabriella were not-so-discreetly holding hands under the table, and Ryan did the gentlemanly thing of pretending not to notice. 

"Anyway, Sharpay, you probably have a lot of questions."

"Yeah..." Sharpay sighed. "The first one is, what's going to happen to us?"

Ryan averted his gaze. "Well, let's unpack that question. Our mother has been reported to the police for child abuse."

"What?" Sharpay could hardly believe what she was hearing. Was this real? She hardly knew how to feel. Sure, her mother was horrible, but... 

"Yeah. She's due to go to court in two days. My guess is that she'll probably go to prison for about seven years. But, since we're seventeen, that means we're technically minors. Meaning, that we need somewhere to stay, or it's the children's home for us."

Gabriella cleared her throat. "Well, I'm eighteen. And I recently bought an apartment. I'd... be happy to take you, Sharpay." She smiled. "If that's okay with you, I mean."

Live... with Gabriella? Was this heaven? "I'd... love to! But what about Ryan?" Her heart sank as she glanced towards her brother. 

Gabriella grinned. "Well, he's always welcome. But I think he's been offered a place somewhere else."

"Wait, really? Where?" 

"I'm going to live with Chad!" That's when Sharpay noticed it. Ryan was glowing, his whole face filled with the pink tint of a blush. Her brother was happy. 

"Holy shit! No way!"Sharpay hugged her brother so tightly, he thought he wouldn't be able to breathe. 

Ryan was smiling so hard, it felt as if his face was going to split in two. "We can still see each other, right?" 

"Of course!" 

Sharpay hardly knew what to think. She was going to be living with the love of her life, and so was her brother. This was a dream come true. And yet... the dark cloud hung over them. Their mother. 

The thing about parental relationships, is that it's not black and white. You don't either love them or you hate them. You can hate them with all your heart, and yet the joyful memories bang on the door, demanding to be let through. As Sharpay sat there, engulfed with the thought of her mother going to prison, memories fell over each other in her head. Because yes, despite everything her mother had done to her, there was still a dark, locked up corner of her mind that still loved her. 

That still longed for the days when her mother would laugh when Sharpay's ice cream cone was dripping over the side. 

That still longed for the hours of watching movies with her mother, the laziness of the hours all that they needed. 

She still longed for the times before the homophobia, before the abuse, before everything had gone to shit. 

But it was never coming back, and she needed to accept that. 

She needed to open the newest chapter of her life, with the people who had cared about her all along. 

Gabriella, and Ryan. 

And as she stared at them, laughing so hard tears started to fall from their eyes, she realized something. Love is a strange feeling. You can't define it, you can't possibly try to understand it. 

She may not have understood the weird love she still felt for her mother, even when she was charged with seven years in prison, but she sure began to understand the love she felt when she lived with Gabriella for three years, before Sharpay proposed. 

After that, she understood everything. 

But in that moment in the cafe, she didn't understand anything. She only understood one thing. 

Stay with the people who love you for who you are. Stay with the people who love your brokenness, and stay beside you even when you're at your worst. Stay with the people who love you, simply and unconditionally. 

And understanding that, she began to uncover the secrets of the universe, one step at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end, I guess. This whole fic was a massive vent fic, lmao. I hope you enjoyed, anyway. Thank you for sticking by me throughout this chaotic journey. I love you all, and if you read this far, drop me a follow on tumblr: https://irlrobbievalentino.tumblr.com/
> 
> That's it! Bye! <3


End file.
